| Thursday, March 24, 2005 |
| Me |
| I am slowly losing all of my innocence. It makes me sad. I was always so cheery and bubbly and happy( to an extent). But living just makes me sad. I worry about Dustin, Zack, & Mom and everyone else. I don't want them to die. I don't want them to be hurt but it seems like I cannot protect them at all. That has always been my job, to protect everyone. I feel so out of control and surreal. Like I am growing old before my time. I have always felt like an old soul in a young body, but never more so than lately. Dustin wants his old wife back. I want to give it to him so much but I don't know how. I try but it is so hard. I don't want to feel defeated all the time. Dustin and I think it is work. I don't get paid enough to deal with this shit. I love Dustin so much and I try to give hime everything. All I want in return is for him to just hold me and never leave me. It makes me happy to see him happy. I have to find who I am. I think I am slowly breaking my shell and emerging as the me I am supposed to be. No one told me it would hurt this bad though. |
posted by ~M~ @ 2:12 PM   |
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| OK! |
OK! Life really isn't that bad I suppose. But like I keep going back to the Title of this Blog, there are day when it's boring and days when I can't stop my head from spinning. There is no nice easy middle ground. My poor hubby is not getting any better. He still has such excruciating back pain, I don't know what to do. He went for a bone scan the other day. That is where they inject you with a mercury dye and the send you through a MRI machine. The dye is supposed to stick to anywhere there is an injury. He got really tired and nauseous from the dye but the doctor said the scans don't look too bad. He has an appt with his own doctor tomorrow, so hopefully they will start treating him soon. They want to give him an injection of cortisone into the two herniated disks to reduce the inflammation. Hopefully it will work.
At least we got our income tax check yesterday. YAAAYYYYY! We got $3800 this year. I don't think I have seen that much money in my life. That should help us out alot.
Till tomorrow then.(or when I have more crazy sh*t to write about!) |
| posted by ~M~ @ 12:42 PM |
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| Thursday, March 03, 2005 |
| AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! |
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
That is how I feel right now. I am growing up (btw I am 25!) and I don't wanna. I need people to have an intelligent conversation with but I am scared because I feel that some of my friends don't think I can hold a serious conversation because I am so silly all the time. Can't I just be silly & wacky & crazy and have fun. My friends are all too serious though. We shall see on Friday!
TTFN! |
| posted by ~M~ @ 10:49 AM |
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