Thursday, March 24, 2005
I am slowly losing all of my innocence. It makes me sad. I was always so cheery and bubbly and happy( to an extent). But living just makes me sad. I worry about Dustin, Zack, & Mom and everyone else. I don't want them to die. I don't want them to be hurt but it seems like I cannot protect them at all. That has always been my job, to protect everyone. I feel so out of control and surreal. Like I am growing old before my time. I have always felt like an old soul in a young body, but never more so than lately. Dustin wants his old wife back. I want to give it to him so much but I don't know how. I try but it is so hard. I don't want to feel defeated all the time. Dustin and I think it is work. I don't get paid enough to deal with this shit. I love Dustin so much and I try to give hime everything. All I want in return is for him to just hold me and never leave me. It makes me happy to see him happy. I have to find who I am. I think I am slowly breaking my shell and emerging as the me I am supposed to be. No one told me it would hurt this bad though.
posted by ~M~ @ 2:12 PM  
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