Saturday, October 28, 2006
Almost uncontrollable at times

I don't know how many of my old blogfriends still visit, but hopefully some new blogfriends will.

I know I had promised to write more. I fully intended to. Then the most unthinkable and unwelcome but not necessarily unexpected thing happened. My mother in law passed away. Wednesday was a month. In addition to trying to be supportive for my husband and his brother (18 yrs) and sister (16 yrs), I am overcome by grief. I have my good days and bad days. Today was one of the bad days. I am trying to not get too upset because of the baby (21 weeks 5 days! Due date March 4, 2007) It's not working too well sometimes. And tonight everyone in the house had gone to sleep and hubby had gone to play poker with the boys. My thoughts just ran wild. I miss her so much. Unfortunately she was battling a drug addiction. We thought she was getting help and the news about the new baby made her so happy. We thought she would be alright. But her body just could not take it anymore. In addition we have taken guardianship of my sister in law. We became parents through the back door and man is it stressful. I just can't control my crying tonight. I know part of it is the pregnancy hormones, but feeling like I have no one to talk to is physically painful. It got too late to call my mom and I don't want to worry her either. (she had a panic attack at the wake) And I don't have many close friends. I even tried to look for a grief chat online but no one wanted to talk. I think I just need to try to sleep and relax. I'm glad that I posted tonight but I feel weird because I haven't for so long. And then to post such a downer post. Blech!
posted by ~M~ @ 12:55 AM   3 comments
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