Saturday, October 28, 2006
Almost uncontrollable at times

I don't know how many of my old blogfriends still visit, but hopefully some new blogfriends will.

I know I had promised to write more. I fully intended to. Then the most unthinkable and unwelcome but not necessarily unexpected thing happened. My mother in law passed away. Wednesday was a month. In addition to trying to be supportive for my husband and his brother (18 yrs) and sister (16 yrs), I am overcome by grief. I have my good days and bad days. Today was one of the bad days. I am trying to not get too upset because of the baby (21 weeks 5 days! Due date March 4, 2007) It's not working too well sometimes. And tonight everyone in the house had gone to sleep and hubby had gone to play poker with the boys. My thoughts just ran wild. I miss her so much. Unfortunately she was battling a drug addiction. We thought she was getting help and the news about the new baby made her so happy. We thought she would be alright. But her body just could not take it anymore. In addition we have taken guardianship of my sister in law. We became parents through the back door and man is it stressful. I just can't control my crying tonight. I know part of it is the pregnancy hormones, but feeling like I have no one to talk to is physically painful. It got too late to call my mom and I don't want to worry her either. (she had a panic attack at the wake) And I don't have many close friends. I even tried to look for a grief chat online but no one wanted to talk. I think I just need to try to sleep and relax. I'm glad that I posted tonight but I feel weird because I haven't for so long. And then to post such a downer post. Blech!
posted by ~M~ @ 12:55 AM  
  • At October 28, 2006 at 4:58:00 AM EDT, Anonymous Dawn said…

    I'm sorry to hear that things have been so tough for you. And especially when you're pregnant too. Hormones can make everything seem so much worse than it really is.

    Grief is a horrible thing to have to cope with. Sometimes, taking each hour as it comes is the only viable option, and sometimes, even taking it minute by minute.

    Don't worry about posting such a downer post. Getting the feelings out is always good, no matter which way you do it. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

    Here via BlogExplosion.

  • At January 14, 2007 at 1:58:00 AM EST, Blogger Blond Girl said…

    Michele sent me.

    As I read this post and the date, I felt a kinship with you. I am sorry the grief is so bad, but I understand not writing. it's hard to write when you don't want to write "downer" posts. I just went nearly a month without posting until last Thursday.

    I hope that life is becoming more bearable since October - and that soon, you will want to blog again.


  • At January 14, 2007 at 2:50:00 AM EST, Blogger David said…

    your courage sharing such personal feelings is noted, and appreciated. Sometimes writing helps, sometimes you may need a counselor or a grief / loss recovery group. Is there a church you know of where someone might be able to help? I pray you will fully recover but never forget what a special woman your mother in law was.
    Here from Big Bear Lake, ca where we are freezing our buns off!

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